George Washington Ate My Homework – Audition Cut #4

Cleopatra, Julie, Naomi, & Warner

WARNER: um, SUit:' r

CLEOPATRA: (Looks around.) So where am I anyway? Tarsus,

perhaps? Or Rome?

WARNER: No, we're in the United States.

CLEOPATRAT:h e what?

, NAOMI: She lives two thousand years ago, Warner. She wouldn't have

any concept of that.

WARNER:( To CLEOPATRA.W) e're in the New World.

CLEOPATRAS: till not helping.

NAOMI: All right then, let me put it this way. We're on a mysterious

.o continent west of Hispania.

CLEOPATRA: You mean Atlantis?

NAOMI: (Shrugs.) Close enough.

CLEOPATRA: (Scans the stuff on the table.) Well! Legend says Atlantis

was more advanced than us, but I never imagined anything like

this. You have so many treasures here! (Picl<s up a gc1dgec.J Like

this. What does this thing do?

NAOMI: Oh, um, please don't touch that. lt"s very- (The gadget comes

apart In CLEOPATRA'S hands.)

CLEOPATRA: Oops.

NAOMI: (Sighs.) Fragile.

CLEOPATRA: (Tosses the gadget aside.) It's all right. I'm the richest

woman in the world. I'll buy you a new one.

NAOMI: Yeah, I don·t think your money works around here.

CLEOPATRA: Well, good. Because I didn't bring any. What do you

think I am, a lowly merchant? (Laughs obnoxiously. Picks up a

battery-powered handheld fan.) Ooh, this looks interesting.

NAOMI: That would be a fan.

CLEOPATRA: (Waves the fan in front of her face as if it were a palm

frond.) It doesn't worl<. very well, does it?

, NAOMI: You need to press the button.

CLEOPATRA: You mean this thing here? (Presses the button and the

tan blows in her face.) Oh, Mighty lsisl This is fabulous! I could do

this all day! (Blows L/Jt:' ran over herself for a moment.) Wait! It's not

right for a queen to fan herself! I'll have one of my servants do it.

; (Sprawls on the sofa.)

NAOMI: Um ... you don't have any servants here.

CLEOPATRA: Want to bet? (Claps her hands. To WARNE.R.S) ervant!

WARNER: (Snaps to attention.) Yes, '(our Highness!

CLEOPATRA: (Shoves the fan at WARNER.) Fan me!

o WARNER: Your wish is my command, Your Highness. (Takes the fan

and points it at CLE.OPTAR A.) •

NAOMI: You don't have to do this, Warner.

WARNER: I know. but somehow it feels like I do.

CLEOPATRA: And that's how you get to be queen.

NAOMI: Well, Cleopatra, as long as you're here, maybe you cou1a

answer a few questions about your life for me.

CLEOPATRA: Oh, bothert Can't you just look me up in a scroll or something?

NAOMI: Scrolls are called the internet now. And yeah, I could look you

up, but you lived so long ago and there are so many inconsistencies

in your story. It's hard to know what's true and what's not.